And The Winner Is...

*BAM* *BAM* *BAM*

That sound is my head hitting the desk. I tell you. Just when you think the human race, particularly those who feel the need to own horses, has already truly hit rock bottom on the intelligence scale, you find something like this. Craig's List, of course:

Our horse is apx. 5 years old, he is fully broke and was originally used as a roping horse. We paid $1000 for him, and don't really want to get rid of him; however he has bread our paint and has recently taken to abusing our new little philly. We are motivated sellers as we have no where to put him to keep them sperated. I am afraid he is going to seriously hurt the little one or worse... Breed with her. please give us a call at: ***-399-2222 or ***-629-1859 (Dan and Mary-Jo). Prior to having the philly he was the sweetest most loving horse. We think he is jellous of the little one. Please make an offer. I can take more pic.s of him and send them to you via cell ph. if you'd like.

DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN!!!! Where do I even start? I don't know if I should laugh or cry. (I know I don't normally post anything like this, but today I simply cannot resist. You are about to see my inner sarcastic snob come to the fore and for that, I apologize in advance.)

- Are you telling me these people seriously are so stupid that they bought a stallion and didn't realize he would "bread" their mare, when they were forced to live together? It certainly appears that way. One wonders if Dan and Mary-Jo have managed to procreate themselves, since they don't seem to have a very good grasp of sex ed. (That is a rhetorical question. They probably have a half-dozen little urchins running around, for whom they bought the pretty horsies in the first place so they could "grow up together.")

- Along those lines, apparently they also do not realize that there is *GASP* this nifty procedure known as "gelding," which would render their big man unable to impregnate his daughter (I fear the poor mom is already a goner again). And then, like, WOW, they could still keep him! Imagine that! AAAIIIIEEEEE! 

- Again along those lines, I have a distinct feeling that no veterinarian has seen these horses lately, because I would sincerely hope that s/he would have brought up the aforementioned procedure. "You know, folks, you could cut them there dangly bits off and he couldn't breed no more. You'd be all set..." Either that, or they do know and it has been mentioned but our friend Dan is the type to quail at the thought of one of his manimals losing his balls. Let's look under the porch for that fourth or fifth litter of kittens or puppies, shall we?

- "Jellous" of the foal? Right. Suddenly not being so well-behaved towards humans? Could it possibly be he's protecting his "herd?"

- If they refuse to consider gelding, then this stallion does need to be rehomed stat. I'm not exactly sure at what age the little "philly" can get preggo by dear old dad, but if he's already trying... ugh. Again, it would have been nice if they'd thought about this possibility before buying a stallion. But then, they never seem to. How many times do people act like the horses have just magically multiplied in the field? "I don't know what happened! One day there was two of them and voila, three, and now, HELP, I CAN'T FEED THEM ALL!" Why, oh why, can't they be doing this with fish or even rabbits, instead of 1,000 lb. animals?

- Or, maybe they just say they can't afford gelding. That is utter and total crap. Firstly, if you can't fork out $200 on the spot you can't afford to have a horse, let alone three. One vet call (from, say, running into the fence) is going to rack up way more than that. And tell me, what's going to be cheaper in the long run, supporting five (assuming there's another one on the way already) horses or paying a couple hundred bucks now? They might even be able to find a free clinic! (Hmm, they paid $1,000 for the dude in the first place. They can afford gelding.)

- Love the beautiful barbed wire enclosure. I will say, however, that the horses do appear to be well-fed and not rain-rotted or unthrifty. I will give them that. Can't see the feet to tell if those are being attended to.

- Last but not least, I think there should be a requirement for horse ownership (well, there should be many, this is just one of them) that specifies that one should be able to identify and SPELL certain horse-related words. Like, "filly" and "bred." There sure are an awful lot of crumb-covered equines out there in CL land, aren't there? Unfortunately, many of these poor souls may well wind up that way on a plate in France if their wretched owners persist in trying to sell them or give them away!

Sigh. Thank you for putting up with my diatribe. Do you think it would be worth my time to send a nicely-worded note to these people, gently suggesting they look into gelding Mr. Studly? I have the feeling they really aren't bad folks, just appallingly under-educated in a lot of ways. :-(