Big Skies, Bad Owners

A recent post over on Horse Nation featured a Craig's List ad from somewhere in Montana, regarding two horses who had to be vamoosed straight away or they were "going to the canner." This really is nothing new - lots of advertisers like to make threats about disposing of their equines if no one comes immediately to take them off their (ungrateful) hands. However, this made me curious about the mentality of other horse owners in Montana. I had a little time so I decided to look through other CL ads for horses that were posted near the one in question.

This turned out to be a thoroughly depressing exercise.

It took me a full DOZEN ads before I found a single one that did not make me want to bang my head against the wall. Seriously, eleven advertisements that neatly illustrated why we have an  "unwanted horse" problem in the United States: Crappy horse keeping, bad and indiscriminate breeding, clueless people, thoughtless/selfish people, just plain IDIOTIC people. I will say that almost all the horses looked to be well-fed - there's not a really scrawny one in the bunch. Hard to see the feet of most so can't tell about them.

Here are some of the more craptastic ads so you can see what I'm talking about. I have outtakes of the ad copy from most of these (my favorite parts, in quotes, spelling/grammar uncorrected). I hope I do not bore you, but I just felt driven to share after I became aware of the sheer quantity of badness here. Probably not a whole lot different from Craig's List ads across the country, alas...

1. Sweet Horse 6 yr old Blu Roan - $500 
"Unfortunatly we are not giving her the time she needs and know with some time she could be ridden"

Comments: I am no Western rider, but even I can tell that that incredibly cheap-looking saddle is about 8" too far back. It's just as well that the mare is unbroken because anyone sitting on her kidneys like that would doubtless find themselves in for a heck of a rodeo ride. Other than that, at least this girl is fat and shiny. Too bad "there's no time" for her.

2. Super sweet Gelding - $1600 

“Can come when called sometimes. I am selling him cause I don't have the time like I did for him."

Comments: Whoo boy, now there's a ringing endorsement! CAN come when called SOMEtimes. Well, my teenagers are perfectly capable of getting up and crossing the room when I call them, but that doesn't mean they have a) heard me or b) want to, so they often don't. :-) (I suppose I could put that in an ad if I was trying to sell them) Nice helpful confo shot, too. Where was the photographer standing, on the roof of the barn? Horse is pretty fat, that I can tell.

And wait a minute, haven't we heard that line about "no time" before?

3. 5 y/o AQHA mare - $1500

"I don't have the time to commit to a greenie, would be willing to trade for an older, well-broke horse (geldings preferred)" 

Comments: I'm not sure if it's just the way the mare is standing, but that might be a spectacular set of cow hocks right there. Otherwise, she's not half-bad looking. What infuriated me about this ad, however, is here we have the very common tactic of someone thinking another person is going to be willing to trade their rideable, broke horse for a youngster with no training. Why would anybody do that??? And once again... dude, if you didn't have the time for a greenie, then WHY DO YOU HAVE ONE?! If you bred her yourself (likely scenario) then double shame on you. Moron.

4. 8yr old Grade Gelding- sell or trade - $350 

"His right fore leg is turned out and while he isn't lame or clumsy he doesn't like to hold a trot or lope when ridden by an adult. We bought him to teach our children to ride on and he's been great for that."

Comments: This one is just plain sad. Poor guy, he's served the purpose for which they wanted him and now it's "hustle him out the door." They're even willing to trade him for goats. Sure, LOTS of people will want a horse with a leg that looks like it's going to snap at any second. Or, how about the first person waving a couple hundred bucks in cash (that would be Mr. Kill Buyer) gets him?

5. Two gentlemen in need of some good homes 
"Horse 1: He does wear a halter but is not halter broke. He is a very smart 5 year old Paint Stallion. He is gentle and can be calm that is including with children. $350 Horse 2: He has been saddled and when he was it was a smooth ride as far as we know. I do have to admit it has been a few years since then, but I would think its like riding a bike its something you never forget how to do. $375"

Comments: Horse 1: Ah yes, the usual unhandled backyard stallion. WHY WHY WHY does this guy have his nuts??? They can't even be bothered to halter break him, although he "wears a halter?" And another "can" qualifier. Oh, brother. I have to say, though, this guy is pretty good-looking, conformation-wise. He could really be a nice boy for somebody with that ever-elusive time. 

Horse 2: Let me get this straight. The horse will remember how to go under saddle because he knows how to ride a bike, or the rider will remember how to ride because a horse is nothing more than a hairy bicycle? :-) From the lovely condition of this animal, he looks to have been unridden for quite a few years. I don't get it. Why. Do. People. Have. Horses. if they are not going to do a damn thing with them (I'm not talking about retirees).

Nice try with the "gentlemen" bit, too. Are people supposed to think you have some Chippendales dancers up for grabs? At these prices, once again the horses will be lucky if the KBs don't snap them up, especially the chunky one.

6. Several Horses that need some good homes A.S.A.P. 
"Timber-is a 6 year old female Mustang. She was purchased from the B.L.M. She was pregnant when purchased, gave birth to her colt here at our home. We are asking $425 Chico-is a 2 year old Mustang Stallion. From the B.L.M. He was born here with us. His mother is Timber. Asking $250 O.B.O. Dakota- is a 5 year old Paint Stallion. He was born and was a private purchase in Helena, MT. Asking $350 O.B.O.Two Socks-is a 10 year old male Quarter Horse gelding. He was also born and was privately purchased in Helena, MT. He is Green Broke and loads great. Asking $375 O.B.O.

Baby-is a 14 year old female Mustang. Purchased from the B.L.M. She is also Green Broke and loads great. Asking $625 O.B.O."

Comments: Giant, humongous, sigh here. Why the hell do these people have all of these horses in the first place, if they suddenly have to be homeless? Sounds like only two of them are even green-broke. Why did they go to all the trouble of purchasing BLM mustangs, only to throw them to the four winds? Why have they not gelded the two year old "accident?" Why did they buy the Paint stallion (shown above), only to do nothing with him? Because they had the space - plenty of that in MT - and they were purty? I will admit that nothing here looks hungry or wormy, at least. 

P.S. Five is more than "several."

7. This little girl needs a good home A.S.A.P. 

"She is a 3 yr old Quarter Horse. She was a birthday present for my daughter two years ago. Now that my daughter is getting older she is not that much into horses right now."

Comments: Bwaakk! Holy smoke, that is some goose rump there. I'm surprised her tail hasn't fallen clean off. She won't win any beauty contests with that head/eye, either. However, she does look sweet which is how she's advertised. The thing that gets me about this one is the all-too-familiar scenario of buying a cute baby horsie for your kid, so they can grow up together (you'll note the mare was a yearling when they got her), only to have the kid lose interest. Just kills me considering that I was a child who was dying for a horse and never got one, and I know there are plenty of others like me! 

We also have another attempt at anthropomorphization in the headline here: "Look! We're selling a kid here, who just happens to have fur and four legs! Come and git 'er!"

8. 15 month old mare - $1000 

"she is saddle broke. She is desensitised. My 6 year old and 9 year old can ride her"

Comments: And one of them IS, of course, with no helmet or tack. Gee, I'm so surprised. We should all ride yearlings with no helmets or tack, right? Cute little filly. Hope someone gets her out of the hands of these fools before she is ruined... or the children are ruined when she wakes up and isn't a baby anymore.

And finally, what to my wondering eyes should appear but this ad. Right from the headline you can tell these people might actually have a clue. I am not a registration snob but the fact that the mare is registered speaks well of the owners. The ad is well-written (this is the whole thing), they've provided appropriate vet/farrier care, the photos are good, the child astride is actually wearing a helmet, and all the important details are provided: age, height, breed, training, rider recommendation. Guess which horse I would make tracks to see out of this bunch? And I don't even want a Walking Horse! (But I do think she's really pretty :-))

Registered Tennessee Walking Horse Mare - $1200 

"Belle is a 16 years old registered Tennessee Walker mare. She has a beautiful black and white tobiano pattern. She is 14 hands, calm, strong, and an excellent trail horse. She could also be used as a dude horse. Belle is intelligent and a quick learner, making ground work with her enjoyable. Belle does not wear or need shoes and has a nice gait. She gets along with dogs and farm animals, loads easily into a trailer, and loves to be brushed and groomed. She has had a recent vet check and is up to date on worming and vaccinations. She is recommended for intermediate riders."

But Wait, She DOES Have Horses In Her Backyard!

What?? Yes, it's true! I couldn't resist digressing further to explain...

I live in a lovely home on about 1/2 an acre, smack-dab in the middle of quintessential suburbia. Our house is on a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood that's about 18 years old. Fortunately, the homes are not nearly as packed in as you'll find in many modern suburbs, and there is no model exactly like ours anywhere in sight. It's really very, very nice and I'm fortunate indeed to live here.

But the biggest selling point for me was the fact that there is a real, live, functioning HORSE BARN abutting our property! This would not be everyone's cup of tea but of course it was an automatic plus in my book. (It helped that I walked into the real estate office that day wearing riding clothes. The realtor knew she'd hit the jackpot with this customer, alright.). Here is the view from my kitchen window, on this extremely snowy day. We got almost 10," a blizzard by our standards:

The place must have started life as a dairy barn since that is a disused silo on the left. There's an outdoor ring in front, and a stall row between it and the taller building to the right, which is the indoor arena. Between the trees and the barn complex is their parking lot. A dressage ring lies off to the left; in the summer I can hear the trainer shouting at students.

Yes, I get to hear neighs and smell good barnyard smells every day in the summer, and at least get to see equines on a daily basis. How lucky is that... even if none of them actually belongs to me. Given its proximity, you'd think I would have taken lessons at this barn when I was doing that. Nope - they're mostly dressage. A few hardy souls actually jump, but the majority of the clientele are dressage folks (with a good proportion of divas). I am just not ready to pack it in and relegate myself to purely dressage. Futhermore, the owner of the barn is a right royal bee-yotch and I want nothing to do with her, other than being super-friendly when my dog happens to chase a cat into the barnyard. Such is her charming personality that I'm always scared she'll break out the .22 (dog's only done that a couple times in eight years, thank goodness).

You may wonder, how does this barn exist in the middle of a suburban neighborhood, anyway? I have been told it was grandfathered in since it was built many years ago, and the city fathers allowed to remain since our little burg started life being billed as a "resort community." (We have two gorgeous man-made lakes.) They could boast of having riding stables available, though trail rides were never offered, believe me. Around 50 horses are kept there on a total of five acres. Accordingly, turn out for most consists of a short sojourn in a dirt enclosure that's maybe 15' square. Woo-hoo, time to kick up your heels, guys! A lucky few get put in a couple of dinky grass pastures. Horse paradise, it is not... One time my dog startled a horse that was being hand-grazed. The owner shouted at me, "It's okay, he doesn't get out much." No, REALLY???

Ironically, the city rules governing my property specifically prohibit animal husbandry of any type. No cattle, goats, sheep, hogs, poultry, etc. or equines of any type are allowed. Are you surprised I have checked? We're not even allowed to have a fence unless there's a swimming pool (dog's is electric). So no home horse-keeping for me, no matter what (although I do have a very, very big garage...hmmm).

I also wanted to tell you about some of our neighbors when I was a kid. You know how I thought a horse would fit nicely in our backyard? Well, that's debatable, but guess what - these people nearby actually kept not one, but TWO equines in their yard, the same size as ours! I am not kidding. The poor things inhabited a small dirt paddock with a run-in shed. The neighbors had a trailer, so they loaded up the horse and the pony and took them to a stable where they rode the horse and the pony pulled a cart. What's really funny, is sometimes they would stake out the pony on their front yard so it could eat actual grass. We had a few visitors who pulled up at our house saying, "Gee, your neighbors sure do have an awfully big dog..."

As you can imagine, this just about killed yours truly. It did not help one bit that the equine's owner was a girl exactly my age. "But Daddy, Sandra has a horse and a pony in there. Why can't *I* have one??" I had to walk by this place every single day on the way home from the bus stop. Torture. It's too bad that said girl and I mutually despised each other (dating back to well before the horses arrived, but massive jealousy on my part did nothing to improve the situation), or I could have really been on to a good thing. You will learn more about this girl and I in a later post. Hint: It has something to do with that treasured blue ribbon displayed in my room...