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Friday, December 21, 2012

Changing a Light Bulb?


I just saw this over on a new blog I've been reading (Horse Country Chic), and the author in turn obtained it from Chronicle of the Horse. TOO funny! I believe my favorite is the one regarding show jumpers...

HOW MANY RIDERS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

ENDURANCE RIDER: Light bulb? Do you mind, I'm trying to get my horse's pulse / respiration / hydration levels to respectable levels. Once that is done, I have another 50 miles to go before I can even think about changing a light bulb. Um, any chance that the light bulb could assist me in my conditioning regimen.....

DRESSAGE QUEEN: Me! Change a light bulb? Are you joking? I couldn't possibly be expected to subject myself to such a menial task. Change it yourself. Oh, and wash your hands when you are finished. The very thought!

CLASSICAL DRESSAGE QUEEN: These things can not be rushed, but must be approached slowly, with great patience, and adherence to the principles laid down by the classical masters, otherwise the light bulb will not attain its true potential, but will forever just be a shadow of its true self. Never, ever, use any type of gadget when changing the light bulb. That is an offense to the principles of classical light bulb changing.

EVENTER: Hmm, as soon as my arm is out of this sling broken after falling off at that large stone wall (whilst riding Prelim cross-country) I'll change it. Until then, deal with the dark. It will put hair on your chest. Only prissy Dressage Queens require lights, anyway.

SHOW JUMPER: Why on earth would I need to change a light bulb when the whole world knows that the sun shines out of my ass. Why, when I release over a jump, the spectators are practically blinded.

HUNTER PRINCESS: Change the lightbulb? Surely the groom handles that part? I mean how else would my six hunters get braided? If I MUST change the lightbulb, surely my trainer will climb up the ladder first to make sure it is safe? And then of course, my groom will hold the ladder as I climb up, and make sure all the dirt is dusted off my boots as I ascend?

BACK YARD HORSE PERSON: Do I have to do everything??!! Oh yeah, I guess I do. Well, I’ll get to it as soon as I’m done mucking stalls, cleaning and filling the water tank, cleaning and filling the water buckets, raking and sweeping, stacking the hay, setting up for night feeding, cleaning my tack, picking out manure from the paddock, brushing and exercising the horses, and whatever else needs to be done

NATURAL HORSEMAN: You must instill respect in the light bulb, so that it sees you as the Alpha light bulb, using "Light Bulb Dynamics (TM)" (Video available at $99.00 on my website). Once you have done this, you will find that there is really no need to change the light bulb at all, but that the light bulb will, with very little coaxing from you (using the patented "Light Bulb Coaxer" designed by me - $49.00 each, for an extra $49.99 you get the video thrown in) will behave as all good light bulbs should.

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